At the age of twenty, Rebecca received an undeniable calling to step away from her psychology degree and find a spiritual teacher. This led to a ten-year apprenticeship with a family of Toltec shamans and a profound awakening. Living and working with Madre Sarita and her son, best-selling author don Miguel Ruiz, Rebecca was named as Sarita’s spiritual granddaughter and the one to carry on her lineage. She mastered the ancient healing traditions along with don Miguel’s esoteric teachings, garnering intimate insight into the mind-body-spirit connection. Certified as an herbalist, a massage therapist, and a holistic health practitioner, she opened her private practice in 2001 and has been working as a healer and spiritual mentor ever since. She facilitates retreats and workshops worldwide and recently contributed to the best-selling books, Dancing in the Unknown and Shamanism in the New Millennium. With her blend of ancient and modern wisdom and her loving, down-to-earth candor, Rebecca embodies the essence of ‘Shaman Sister’— with the eyes of a shaman and the heart of a sister.
Shameless Feminine Speaks
Shameless Feminine Speaks is for all the shamelessly shameless women, men, ladies and miss-fits who are ready for the feminine re-evolution!
Shamelessly shameless is the woman who embraces herself without a doubt, embodies herself without apology, and empowers herself without blame— no victim, no villain.
Shamelessly shameless is the man who seeks to heal the guilt he carries on behalf of women and from women, and who reaches for a deeper relationship with the feminine—within himself and in his life.
Together, we move beyond our wounded inheritance, not by sword or push of pendulum, but by healing the battle between the sexes and between sisters.
This show does more than just talk about re-evolution; it brings it straight to your heart, and awakens your Shameless Feminine and all her superpowers— from her intuitive emotions and sacred sensuality to her childlike surrender and mothering nature.
Are you ready for your re-evolution? Then join Rebecca Haywood, modern-day Shaman and Sister to all, with her deliciously divine cohost and "High Priestess of Sensuality", Tatyana Rae, along with other shamelessly shameless guests!
And you get a voice too! They’ll be taking your questions, stories and real life struggles that need a dose of their shameless medicine. Just email firstname.lastname@example.org prior to each show or join the convo live in her Facebook group: ShamelessFeminineSpeaks
Truly, there is only ONE condition we put on Love: that Love is not what we are. This is what leads us to experience Love as something that we give or get, that we earn or learn, and that we must guard for fear of depletion, contamination, or the condemnation of that broken heart.
All other conditions are just a variation of this outsourced, finite “Love”— different names and places in which we displace our Love and the responsibility for its ups and downs. But no one has their hand on that heart valve except you… not your lover, not even God.
Love is as natural as the cells in your body and, just like your body, it exists with or without your beliefs, your knowledge, your fears and your tears. It is always there, flowing through you and through everything.
Yes, everything… even your grief and your anger. Turn to them, listen, and you will hear their original call from Love— before you judged and defined them, before you withheld and restrained them, before you placed your Love in a cell of a different kind.
Even “Unconditional Love” has become yet another condition on Love. But what does “Unconditional Love” mean? Well, it should mean nothing. It should remain UNdefined. Do you KNOW what Love is? Nope, and neither do I… and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
This show is all about releasing your Love from that prison cell of conditionality and cell-ebrating Love in its organic fullness of NOW, of MORE, of YES to ALL of its expressions and desires— from the gentle to the fierce, and from the satiated to the ravenous.
Yes, ravenous. For Love seeks Love… to devour and be devoured… to expand, to multiply, to become MORE… and, as Tatyana passionately demanded, to LICK YOUR PLATE CLEAN!
Tatyana and I aren’t teaching “unconditional love”; we invite you to UNLEARN “Love”. We aren’t preaching a greater Love; we ask you to ALLOW the Love that you already are. We aren’t telling you stop relishing in Loving or being Loved; we are reinstating Love as the noun, as the YOU! We are celebrating LOVE and nothing less.
"Love ≠ Agreement"
This simple equation is the key to communication that adds up to communion. While I prefer to leave love undefined, mathematics (and our mind) calls us to define our variables.
That’s the first problem in our problem. Love is not a variable nor is it a derivative that peaks and plunges with respect to another— to another’s opinions, another’s feelings, another’s “love”. Love is a constant, and we must set it as so.
Alas, most minds (and hearts) invariably attempt to ‘solve’ love as a derivative of agreement. And so, let’s consult Webster to properly define our basis for agreement: “conformity”… “acquiescence”… “unity” (getting warmer)… “harmony”. There it is— harmony.
And yet, how is harmony produced but through the presence of different notes. Do you see the second problem in our problem? The mean of our meanings for agreement is a zero sum. Conformity cancels harmony.
This is what twists our tongue and binds our heart. Whether in a first-date conversation where we strain to find our similarities, or in those coffee shop debates that turn as bitter as the bean— our definitions of love as agreement and agreement as conformity, defunct the function of love: communion.
Let us restore communion to our communication by setting love as a constant, and unsettling agreement into the harmony of diversity. This is the medicine that frees the voice of our heart. It is time; don’t you agree?
"The Secrets That Keep Us"
Most secrets become your keeper in the end. Though this certainly applies to what you guard from outside eyes, it is the secrets you are unwilling to confess to yourself that condemn your voice and your choice.
What lies beneath? Before you crafted this heist of your happiness? Before your denial stepped in and constructed these prison walls? Before you embezzled your self-worth and conned your tomorrow with an “I can’t”? Who is hiding behind the presumed innocence of that slinky femme fatale of blame? Who is your keeper?
While they all play their part, there is one who likely continues to evade your confessional. For she is full of pretty lies—properly placed and seated by societal standards with her legs (and fingers) crossed. She just might be able to get you out of here… if she wasn’t so enamored with her seven virtuous suitors.
Yep, your secrets are buried in those moral high grounds. It’s time to break that pretty liar’s heart and show her why NONE of the seven virtues are a match made in heaven. It’s time to bring her into a confessional of a different kind— built upon truth rather than shame.
"The Perpetual Diplomat: The Truth of What We Trade"
It’s a free country, are you? Are you truly acting as a sovereign being? Or do you negotiate your boundaries, soften your terms, and guard your ‘nation’s’ secrets with your life? Keeping the peace, are we? But what about your peace, and your piece of life?
Yes, the cost is high for the perpetual diplomat. She may avoid the foreign invasion but her own soils are wrought with an ongoing conflict that produces more than a momentary unrest; it erodes her power to govern her world.
Each time she allows her boundaries to be crossed, she narrows her territory— she gets energetically smaller. Every term softened—the words bent in supplication—stalemate her into a self-induced embargo. And the guarded secrets are perhaps the most detrimental of all, for what she will do to keep them hidden—lie, lie, and lie some more.
No one likes to be called a liar, let alone to recognize the little lies we tell ourselves. But lying comes in many forms—from omitting information and pretending perfection to the outright falsities—and most have a diplomat that we throw out in front of our truth… to “choose our battles wisely” by not choosing at all.
You may dismiss her presence as benign or even kind, but this diplomat is indeed a false representative and whatever the degree of lie, its fire burns right through our seat of power. For, if we’re not honest with ourselves, where is our starting point of creation AND if we’re not willing to give voice to our truth, where is its power?
It’s time for a final trade... of the lies for your life! ...and of the diplomat for the advocate— one who deals not in trades but in truths.
"69: Never Go Hungry Again"
It’s Tatyana’s 69th birthday!! Hence our title (Ha, Gotcha!) and our topic—true reciprocity and the secret to Taty’s va-va-vitality… feasting on life!
Here’s the not-so-skinny, skinny:
Hunger, it leads with a conviction misled. I’m not talking need; I’m talking want unrequited, desire denied, the yearn that begs to earn its redemption. I’m talking about the ache in the starved heart that reaches for life in tomorrows and for love in all the wrong places.
Never shop hungry they say, and yet we do. We peruse the aisles of life and fill our cart with empty calories— sexy sugars and spiritual soda pop to sweeten the swallow as we wash down the loaves of ‘love’ baked with promise. “At least they’re not fried”, we tell ourselves as we envision stepping on the scale to weigh our self-worth.
Where is the nutrition we seek? Where is the true reciprocity for our heart’s hunger? Is it there in our lover’s mouth? In their tongued affections of our beauty, our youth, our sex, our flavor? Is it there in God’s favor? In the assurance of good deeds rewarded? In the witness commanded, the retribution demanded, as we ravenously declare, “I’ll never be hungry again”?
Yes... and no.
It is there because you are there, in all of it. And it isn’t “there” because it is here— in you, now, already fulfilled, neither witness nor retribution required. The heart hungers for you, for your love, for your assurance that this life will be lived TODAY— tasted and ever tasting more! This is the yes, and the only true reciprocity for your heart. We get what we give because we are what we give.
It is this truth, this decadent feast on life (with properly placed disregard) that is the secret to Tatyana’s clearly flourishing va-va-vitality. Watch the FULL LOVESTREAM to hear all three of her ‘anti-aging’ secrets and more tools, myth-busters, and inspiration to bring to your table.
"The Voyeur, The Ventriloquist & The Vampire: Who's Under Your Bed?"
We have all imagined monsters under our bed as children, but what of the manifestations lurking within our adult mind? Who do we bring to the altar of our bed— to our lovemaking, our dream weaving?
WHO IS WATCHING YOU? Do you gaze upon your world with your own eyes? Or have they been hijacked by visitors cloaked; by views pointed and tied with their fingers?
FROM WHERE DO YOUR WORDS ARISE? Are they your own— your prayers, your moans and sighs? Who do they reach for? Where do they reach from?
AND TO WHOM DO YOU YIELD? What force has captured your senses, arched your neck in surrender, possessed your soul to wander?
Are you experiencing YOUR experience? Whose eyes are these? Whose lips? Whose heart? Whose dreams? Who is under your bed? Who is in your head?
In this episode of #shamelessfemininespeaks, Tatyana and I unveil the “monsters” under our bed— how we view ourselves through another’s eyes, how the voices of our values bend to meet theirs, and how this leads to the ultimate possession—the Vampire who drains the life force of our faith, compelling us to act against ourselves until we no longer inhabit our experience; WE BECOME THE VAMPIRE.
So how do we exorcise these monsters? First, we have to catch them which begins by admitting that we are possessed by outside viewpoints, beliefs and ways of being. Then we observe all the moments and ways in which we abandon ourselves, asking the question “What is my motivation?”
In most cases, the answer will be approval of some kind— Love. And the remedy—the garlic to that Vampire—is the truth that the approval you are seeking can only come from you, that the Love you crave is your own. Redirect that search and you will repossess yourself. And when you are self-possessed, no one else can possess you.
Watch the full Lovestream for more TOOLS, practices, and observations from our personal journeys.
"Tempting MORE: Don't Attempt More, Tempt it!"
Don’t attempt more in 2020, tempt it...
Seduce it with your desire, woo it with your love, entice it with offerings… But not with promises or contracts avowed. Break them, break out! of your solutions and resolutions endowed. Lay them down. Lay yourself down and become the offering. Become the space it begs to inhabit. Become the more… Unpromised, unchecked, unkept, unkempt, enlisted only in more— 360 degrees of you, of now, of always, in all ways—round and round without stop. Crescendo without peak, alight unbroken— only wax to wane and then scattered to stardust again… Become the more, darling. It is already yours. And now, dare it to be even more.
This is the #shamelessfemininespeaks vision for 2020: It is 2020 vision in all directions… where we dare to see MORE and we dare to be seen as MORE… where we throw out our promises to the new, the next, the better and become the promise of MORE… where we strip ourselves down—saying NO MORE to the “safety” of small, familiar, polite—and get naked to the NEW Year and to the limitless potential of the ALL that all-ready lives in us NOW… because the Shameless Feminine doesn’t attempt MORE, she tempts it… shamelessly!
This show isn’t about resolutions, and its topic serves us beyond this mark on the sundial. For, MORE is always waiting for you—wanting to come to you—and it will, as soon as YOU stop waiting for it. So go ahead, tempt MORE. We don’t give you permission (only you can grant that), but we do dare you!
"God & Orgasms: Surrender the Chase"
“We yearn for the communion. We ache for it with a hunger that denies its tongue. Strangers in our own land, seeking home. Waves cresting, restlessly reaching— devoted to the chase but lost to the shore. But getting lost is the aim—to lose one’s self, to dissolve our edges and widen our gaze—and yet we chase the landing, the finding, and the being found. We rattle the cage—this body, this human—and seek to take flight, but our wings are here… in this skin, in this temple of life. It is made of feathers, this “cage”, and beholden to no warden, no lock or key. And if only we turn our sights inward, if only we turn our inside out… freedom will find us. The divine will come home to nest.”
In this show, Tatyana Rae and I explore the membranes that we place between ourselves and the divine, between sexuality and spirituality, between ourselves and another. They are the barriers that keep us from experiencing ourselves as God and, not for nothing, that produce the kind of orgasms that miss the mark of really taking you hOme. “How much of your experience are you experiencing?” Are you truly available to it? Come home to yourself and there you will find it. The carrot looks juicy but, in truth, it is only an illusion of more— a more that lives right here, in the divine skin you’re in and in the fullness of NOW!
So how do we “surrender the chase”?
...By surrendering to the chase, to the yearning and allowing it to lead us deeper… By giving ourselves permission for pleasure—for divine-given pleasure—and surrendering ourselves to it. When we fully surrender, we turn ourselves inside out— we open to the all of life, to the more of NOW, and arrive to the fullness of our experience. This is the meditation that spontaneously arose in this episode, and it was more than just an opening of oneself; it was about exposing ourselves in what Tatyana calls Naked Bliss: “May there be Nothing between me and Myself as God.”
Come, unzip your skin with us and turn your inside out to the divine that you are, and to the pleasure that your body was made for!
"Virginity: Leave Room for Dessert”
What’s for dessert? How about ALL of it—from the desire to the delight and the yearn to return again, AND all that led up to it... including the tantalizing mystery once held in the untouched innocence of our Virgin palate.
Yes, the meal isn’t over with Virginity plated and served. The promise that brought us to the table is suspended between each bite—tasting and tasted for the first time, every time. As Tatyana so beautifully said, “There’s always a new place within yourself.”
The dessert is the continual journey of discovery of those new places—deeper, fuller, louder, softer, and so slow it touches the eternal within you. And yet we must heal our story of Virginity before we can reframe the deflowering into the blossoming that it is...
This is what we will be diving into tonight, sharing our personal journeys of “virginity lost” and reframing that moment of “virginity given” or “taken” as a sacred power unsurrendered and unfolding, even still.
In this show, Tatyana and I share our “Stolen Cherries”—our personal journeys of ‘virginity lost’ from the ravage of rape to the ravage of love—and our “virgin moments” of finding those new places and how they were hiding behind the “privacy screens” of our internal voyeur’s “cuckoo-clock”, “showroom windows” and a lineage of withholding pleasure. We also reframe the mundane familiarity that so many long-term relationships suffer into a celebrated intimacy that paves the road to deeper discoveries.
Final Verdict? Virginity isn’t given or taken; it is chosen… and we get to choose again as many times as needed until we “lose” it properly: in a sensually divine union with ourselves and our partners. That’s the “cherry on top”!
“Let every man know that God mounts me.” ~Tatyana Rae
"Puberty & Virginity: Innocence Lost or Gained?"
Modern society doesn’t offer these passages much reverence but does worship them as a loss of innocence never to be regained. Though the distinction unveiled by puberty can feel like a disconnect from the universal self, it isn’t the separation that our “loss” laments; it is a calling to experience ourselves as MORE— a woman blossomed, a man forged, a sexual-self realized. And when we bring this point of view to our “virginity lost”, the MORE deepens into a beginning rather than an end… of a great adventure into the sexual-self individualized and its journey to rediscover the universal again and again.
In this episode, guest Tatyana Rae and I get naked in sharing our coming of age stories: two very different journeys—hers formed within a matriarchy, mine entrenched by patriarchy, hers following the yearnings of her sexual awakening, and mine resisting the feminine and the “curse” of men’s sexual attention. We discover how, though oppressed in different ways, our tamed sexual self rebelled and sought the very same thing—to express ourselves freely as MORE, sexually and spiritually, animal and divine. The discussion deepens into the ways in which society’s domestication of puberty is the true loss of innocence, with knowledge overriding nature and limiting the mystery and the curiosity that connects us to the universal self.
Tatyana will be back NEXT WEEK to continue the convo where we left off—virginity. Again, we will share our personal journeys of “virginity lost” and reframe the deflowering into a blossoming, a beginning rather than an end. And show you how you can reclaim innocence as a superpower that deepens your sexual experience of yourself and your relationships.
“Puberty was an awakening to different. Before that I felt more a part of everything, with little distinction or distinctiveness. I blended in. With Puberty, all that changed, and a long forgotten howl from deep within the hollows of my Soul began to roam through the days and nights of Everyday. A howl, a growl, a purr, a slinking and slithering, prowling and pacing. I was both silk and sandpaper, arching in my ache— my Body surging up and out while my Mind reeled and my Soul… my Soul dove deeper into recesses of Being that were caverns of yearning. Puberty released the instinct of Yesss, of Now, of More as the membranes of polite, proper, please rammed headlong into Swelling, Open, Surrender. I felt the constrictions of those that sought to contain the Sap of Spring from rising. “Show me the way”, I begged the Silence that met my longing for immersion. I was caught behind the glass of a showroom of pastels, paisleys, and parlor manners. MY hips swayed, MY lips pouted, MY breasts heaved, MY arms opened, MY legs parted, MY eyes beckoned. So, I followed HER lead...”
You can find Tatyana Rae at: tatyanarae.com
"Gelded, Gilded, Guilted & Jilted"
The masculine has not escaped the trappings of sexual shame. Though his “Virgin” may be less revered and his “Slut” less condemned, his manhood is nonetheless gelded, gilded, guilted, and jilted. In the reflection of the wounded feminine, the masculine is either castrated by guilt or abandoned as the motherless child. As a result, most men, especially the spiritual ones, walk through life with their masculine marginalized and their power diluted in deference or masked in matriculation to the matriarchy.
The story of Oedipus is looking more like a murder-suicide, and that is as great of a tragedy for women as it is for men. Feminine energy thrives in polarity to the masculine; she rises as he rises and vice versa. Breaking from the patriarchy does not require that we break our men, and liberating our sexuality doesn’t come by shackling his. No, we must release them to their wild—sexually, emotionally, and spiritually—if we are to truly rise.
For me, a heterosexual woman, there is nothing sexier than a self-possessed man. He commands rather than demands, and possesses without possessiveness. He is not threatened by my power nor is he in need of it. There is no seduction, only mutual surrender. He dances WITH me, leading by my follow and following my flow. And my woman becomes more in his gaze—more embodied and free, more empowered and surrendered, more wild and divine.
Though I have been deeply wounded by men, my feminine has also blossomed in their grace. This is the gift that we can give ourselves as women if only we allow our men to be men, and this is the gift that you beautiful, spiritual men can give to the world and to healing our SHARED wounds of the patriarchy. Let us forgive the masculine, all of us, and give him permission to be the sexual creature that he is.
This is a message for all of us to hear— for women to better understand or at least embrace the mystery of masculine sexuality, and for men to receive that embrace. It is time and it is medicine for all of us.
The Virgin and The Slut...
I have been branded as both and equally shamed and revered in each— sometimes in the same night, the same outfit, and by the same mouth that begged to bed me. The iron has been held by women just as much, if not more, as men. It has been wielded by preachers and gurus, and used to prod me into their chosen corral of what was “holy” or “free”, “divinely feminine” or “authentically” me.
Sex is sacred. And yet reverence for it is not measured by how much we withhold it nor by how freely we offer it. The true worship doesn’t even begin or end with the act of sex itself, but in our devotion to our body, to our pleasure, and to the desire to merge with OURSELVES through another— another body, yes, and so much more.
The urge to merge, when surrendered in truth to the sacred, reaches beyond feast of pleasure and body possessing body, beyond the destination of orgasm or its consecrated purpose of conception. Its touch can be far deeper and higher in its holy aim, and yet... the domain of our body is where this altar sits and is where we must strip ourselves naked to our wildly divine essence once again.
That begins with the sacrifice of that “Virgin” and her secreted (or not so secreted) “Slut”. These labels—though born in that ancient feminine shame when Eve was cast out and reformed into the Virgin Mother—continue to shade our sexual expression today and perhaps more than ever. The sexual revolution, in part, sent our sexual shame into hiding and repackaged it.
We may hold up our exploits and our preserved Prana as proof of liberation, and school the monogamous to loosen their buttons, but such hierarchy is evidence that the underlying wound of our perceived separation from the divine has not yet healed. Until we fully embrace our animal as divine, our sexuality will continue to be repressed or overtly expressed, and never quite hit its true g-spot— its God Spot.
Let us bring light to our sexual shame and cast IT out of the garden once and for all (and for all of us)!
In this show, I share how sensuality is a "biological experience of the divine" that connects us, nourishes our body, and guides our choices from within. "Let pleasure be your guide" was the directive and yet it is imperative that we clean our channels of sensuality that we may be led by true pleasure rather than impulse. I lead you through a meditation to open these channels and redirect the mind in service to each.
The meditation begins about 27 minutes in but if you have the time, there are some juicy teachings leading up to it and leading you out of it… re-connecting to the body, soul retrieval, silencing the mind, direct experience, body wisdom and health, natural pleasure, restoring emotion as a sense, and more! Either way, this meditation is a great addition to the "Recommitment Ceremony” that I led two weeks ago in "Loyalty Begins With You".
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“Beautiful”— it’s not just a word; it is a human value. And whether we hang out on the synonym or antonym side of “beautiful” we have all been shamed at some point (for no reason or another). But it is time to reclaim that mirror on the wall and give your beholder new eyes... to gaze upon the skin you’re in with honor. It is your sacred space, your temple, and one of the canvases that you, the artist, get to paint upon.
Let’s stop hiding our beauty in the name of spirituality versus vanity, or as a comfort to our insecure sisters, or as proof that we have substance. Let’s stop chasing society’s ever-changing standards and holding them against each other as if we didn’t know any better. We DO know better. The “ugly” duckling knows just as well as the swan that capital “B” Beauty is within.
So have fun! Play dress up like you once did. Delight in your human form, no matter its form. Break the mold of “beautiful” by being be-YOU-tiful and try on different versions of your beautiful— all the ways you said, “No, I could never pull that off.” Or “That’s too girly, or sexy, or flashy.” At the very least, appreciate those versions in others.
There is no “right” way to paint upon your canvas and the less you judge your own brush strokes, the less you judge theirs... until one day the whole world becomes this beautiful gallery of living artwork... or a garden of roses in rainbows of colors and shapes and sizes, each with their own unique and exquisite scent of life.
Those petals—though “mere matter” organized into form—are indeed an invitation to the bee—to life—to pollinate, yes, but really to merge with the essence of you— the capital “B” Beautiful that emanates from within.
So don’t overestimate the skin you’re in—your essence remains no matter your matter—but don’t underestimate it either. Love YOU, all of you, and let your bloom radiate! That's the aim of this broadcast. Enjoy!
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“Loyalty Begins with You”
Loyalty begins with you... Loyalty to your body, your emotions, your mind, your heart, and to all the ways your spirit sings through them. Let us return the crown of our loyalty to its rightful ruler. Let us place ourselves upon our altar and worship the within. Let us become our own best friend, lover, and life partner.
Many of us live with our loyalty displaced onto another. It is what society values and defines as loyalty— to family, a friend, a lover, a boss. But there are deeper driving forces at play such as our fear of being alone and our biological programming— for women, our mothering nature and for men, their protector.
Though the aim is love, it actually furthers us from it and from each other. Loyalty to self is what brings the communion into community— sisterhood, brotherhood, and the dance between the two.
This is the topic for this broadcast in which I share my personal journey of returning my loyalty to myself, beginning with the day I decided to become my own best friend. And, we do a meditation together—a recommitment ceremony with yourself, renewing loyalty to your body and its emotions, to your heart and its voice, and finally, to your mind in service to them all and in grace with your spirit. Get ready to say I do like you never have before!
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It is time to restore the medicine of sisterhood to us all— women and men. This show brings to light the ways the "sister wound" manifests but even more so, the ways we can transcend it through a "leap of love" with our sisters into honest dialogue, forgiveness, and communion.
Many of us secret away a deep wounding from the feminine that keeps us from fully allowing her love. We feel abandoned by her, and as a result, we have exiled her and the sisterhood she offers. This translates to wounded relationships between women, and between men and women— women competing with each other, and all of us, holding ourselves away from her love in mistrust.
But the medicine of sisterhood offers the entire village an opportunity to thrive. If we reach for her… If we ask in earnest for a friend, a teacher, a sister… If we open to her, guard her, celebrate her... Then we grow together. And the whole world is seeded by our bloom.
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"Sabotaging the Sabotage"
“She quietly expected great things to happen to her, and no doubt that’s one of the reasons they did.”
Manifesting a beautiful life isn’t just about visualizing it, nor must we be so specific about what we want to attract…
Magic is born in the hearts that are open to magic— that believe in possibility, and are willing to receive it. Expect abundance and you find it. Expect joy and you feel it. Expect love and you become it. Walk with great expectations in your heart, and great things will come to you.
This is the medicine of this broadcast. We spoke about the internal villain last week and how she succeeds (cackling and twisting her mustache) because the victim expects the train and has already bound herself to the tracks with her limiting beliefs. These beliefs can be a subtle expectation we place on our day’s possibilities. Or they can be a larger story that we paint on our self-image, our power, our magic.
By identifying and shifting the expectations we carry, we can align with the life we say we want and become the magicians we are. We do that by building our awareness of those villainous voices and the emotional response of the victim believing them. Then we can implement the practice of refrain and reframe— refrain from believing the negative expectations, and reframe them into great ones.
This show focuses on the reframe with practices such as harnessing the power of the storyteller, doubting the doubt, and creating mantras for yourself that actually work (no more faking it till you make it). Are you ready to trade that bowler hat for the finest top hat full of great expectations? Then let’s waive that doubt, and wave that wand.
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"Unmasking the Villain"
Who is the greatest villain in your life? YOU!
Yep, you are the one tying yourself to the train tracks (cackling and twisting that mustache) with your self-limiting beliefs. Those voices that bully, sabotage, and tell you to expect the worst, are the true villain in your life, and at the heart of that villain, is the victim.
The victim is the one who accepts the villain’s abuse, who secretly believes she deserves it and is unworthy of anything else. She feels powerless against it and thus she binds her hands and gags her voice. She expects the train to come so she lays down and waits for it. She is a self-created villain!
We must stop blaming the villains outside of ourselves if we are to truly shift the negative patterns of “bad luck” and trauma, and create the life we seek. For, that defeated victim and the villain born from her, not only sabotage our power but also attract other villains into our life. She also draws in the heroes, of course, but even a hero can further enable that victim mentality.
Owning our power means owning it all. We spoke about it last week. Though this ‘dark' side of our power is something we are taught to disown, “It’s not your fault”, taking responsibility for our part is the key to empowering ourselves to grow and let go of even the most traumatic events.
Of course, it is never any victim’s fault when she is attacked, abused, or neglected, and yet I can testify from personal experience that the unhealed victim energy within me attracted villain after villain into my life. Once I took an honest look in the mirror and owned my self-created villain, I then held the power to change those voices and set the victim free.
That’s what this show is all about—unmasking the villain within you and setting the victim free. And we deliver the medicine to help you get started, namely practicing “refrain” with your victim’s beliefs, and holding guardianship to her in an embracing and empowering way. Heal the victim and the internal villain will be vanquished for good!
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We got a lil feisty in this broadcast! I suppose we were embodying our teaching for y’all… “raising up the ruthless voice of love and breaking the habit of keeping ourselves small, soft, polite, spiritually sound and woefully wound.”
Though the topic was about owning our power, we must first call it out of hiding which means we have to call ourselves out of hiding, and drop all the masks and the masking tape that we place on our authentic expression: the concepts of spiritual perfection, of “good” little girl/boy, and of power itself.
We also have to face the fear of our power— forgive all the ways in which we used it against ourselves or others, and cowgirl up to the terror that they might not like us, or worse, they might burn us at the stake for it… again. (yep, there’s an ancient fear hiding in our cellular memory!)
These concepts and the underlying fear lead us into a place of victim stance which can actually become an emotional addiction that perpetuates fear, self-pity, depression, and a habitual seeking for our wounds, our imperfections, our “not enough”.
But we can make a choice to raise our sword to it. Yes, even such ruthlessness is a voice of love and could be exactly the nurturing you need. Ruthless love is the perfect medicine for disempowerment because it is both medicine and a tool; it empowers us as we use it… if we dare, of course.
This show dares you in all kinds of ways but if we had to pick one, it would be to embody your “bitch”! Try her on for a while, break your rules, speak your mind and pay them no mind, own your yes and your hell no! …to them and, most importantly, to you. For, we can enable the victim or empower her, indulge in processing or move through it.
Ultimately, we come to see that personal power is not power over, nor does it require spiritual perfection. Rather, it is a claiming of our own right and an ownership of self—in all our divinely human ways—and that does not diminish another’s power. In fact, true power feeds us as a collective evolutionary force on the rise!
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"Bridging the Gap in Self-Love”
This broadcast is what I would call one of our “medicine shows”, packed full of tools and practices. The intent of this one was to return the self to our loving and, as always, the pre-medicine teaching led us to reach into the deeper healing needed for these practices to truly blossom within us.
The teaching revealed that within our self-sacrificing generosity—born in the judgment of self-love as selfish—lies a wounded shame against receiving pleasure and fulfilling our needs. This results in a disconnect from our self—physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually—and is catalyzed by the existential resistance that can arise post-trauma (ancient or new, violent or subtle) when a part of our self checks out of this human experience because it feels unsafe or unwelcoming.
No matter the source of disconnect, the greatest medicine is self-forgiveness. We are the ones choosing to be present or not, choosing to ignore our needs or to honor them. We must drop the blame and forgive our self-betrayal if we are to bridge the gap within ourselves—between you and You, between the self and our love.
So forgiveness was at the heart of our medicine in this show and we walked it through every aspect of our being, giving practices of self-love for each. These acts of self-love are the proof your self needs in order to trust you as its guardian once again and that, ultimately, create a home for the self that is safe, welcoming, and nurturing.
This show’s medicine includes a “self-wish list”, a mantra for the mind, nurturing acts for your physical and emotional bodies, and a brief visualization for your heart. And, of course, Sheena Metal lights it all up with laughter and irreverent love!
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“The Labor Pains of our Mothering”
This show was inspired by last week’s meditation where I left you in the “walk in two worlds”—as the emotion (the child) and as the love (the guardian). As I pondered on how to bring this walk to life for you all, I realized that there was an essential step missing: to heal the relationship with mothering ourselves and others.
I saw how society shames this superpower of nurturing and invites a self-sacrificing generosity that depletes us, disempowers others, and diminishes the love intended to be shared. And this shame only deepens when we turn our mothering inward, tending to our own needs or even to our simple right to joy.
We under-mother ourselves as we prioritize another’s needs over our own, and then over-mother them into a disempowered stagnation. We are accused (sometimes rightfully so) of emasculating, smothering, or infantilizing our men and children, to then be wiping their tears of abandonment when we choose to focus on ourselves. The spiritual community preaches selflessness while encouraging self-care.
It is a confusing push-and-pull relationship that we all carry within ourselves and project onto each other. At the heart of it lies the obvious misinterpretation of self-love as selfish, but there is a deeper wound— born in that ancient feminine shame when Eve was cast out and reformed as the Virgin Mother.
Sound like a stretch? Well, tune in and see what you find!
Maybe it will reveal to you, as it did for me, our wounded image of Mother as self-sacrificing, and illuminate pleasure as the medicine that returns our mothering to balance. For, as long as we deny our own pleasure then we will continue to mother from a need FOR love rather than from the fullness of a love self-realized, self-sourced and shared freely WITH pleasure.
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“Unwinding Emotions into Love”
This episode has got so much heart! Rebecca guides you through the meditative process of “Emotional Presence” which can unwind any emotion from your body—with ease and grace—and return it to the love from which it came. And, for those emotions that shy from love, she invites you to hold their hand in a “Walking in Two Worlds” process that carries the unwinding and the essential “listening” that comes with it, into a daily practice.
And the introduction into the meditation helps prepare you with a point of view that diverges from today’s self-help lingo: embracing the construct of the self as a spiraled being rather than a layered being, and inspiring an integration rather than a peeling away. Rebecca also reads one of her poems at the end! Titled "Patchwork Quilt", it sweetly delivers that final embrace.
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“Filtering the Waters of our Empathy”
On the prior show, we lifted the dam on that superpower of emotion—dissolving the judgments that keep us from feeling all the feels and tapping into the connection they offer—but what about those who have already lifted the floodgates and who live as “empaths”, feeling the world’s ocean of emotion? How do you delineate your shoreline from theirs, or handle the overwhelm of all those rivers flowing into you? How do you harness this healing gift in a way that doesn’t lead you to isolate or get sick with the world’s unprocessed emotions?
“Filtering the Waters of our Empathy” dives into this and more. Even if you don’t consider yourself an “empath”, everyone has this gift in varying degrees and many are unknowingly processing the emotions of others in their own name. If left unfiltered, these emotions can congeal into unexplained depression, anxiety, and even addiction.
Filtering is not about narrowing this channel of empathy, but fine-tuning it so that we can transmute these energies back to the origin of everything: love. It is also about shifting our agreements about how and when we choose to caretake the emotions of others. We discuss a few key filters: love, self-awareness, energetic discernment and boundaries. And we offer some tools of release: breath, movement, and clearing the stories that bind and distort emotion into a poisonous presence in our body.
Tune-in next week for the final piece of medicine: Emotional Presence. Rebecca has touched on it and, now, she will bring it home by leading you through a meditative practice that can unwind any emotion from the body and return it to love.
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The Superpower of Emotion
Rebecca shares why Emotion is her favorite feminine superpower, noting it as one of her most reliable senses that allows her to directly perceive the world within her and around her. And beyond perception, it offers a connection and a communication with her body and with others. She describes them as “messengers of healing” that, much like physical pain, tell us where and what medicine to bring. Sheena goes a step further in comparing her emotional body to a water filtration system that helps her to clear herself and her clients.
Yet, today’s society minimizes Emotion as impractical, weak, unintelligent, and merely reactionary. We repress, bypass, override or otherwise distort our emotions into experiences that are socially acceptable. And those societal standards vary based on gender. The ladies dive into some personal examples of emotions they had once repressed but since empowered, naming anger, grief, and the emotional cocktail of the victim.
Rebecca offers some tools to “befriend” each of our emotions and to begin to develop what she calls “Emotional Presence”. For more in-depth tools and practices, please visit her video series: rebeccahaywood.com/gifts-for-the-ghost
And stay tuned for next week in which the ladies will dive even deeper into the watery reflection of emotions!
Shameless Feminine Speaks from Teotihuacan, Mexico!
Sheena interviews Rebecca who is in Teotihuacan, Mexico--the city of pyramids--on her Shameless Heart retreat which turned into a Shameless Feminine retreat with all women! Hear about the magic of this special place and how it led these women on a journey of breaking from the patriarchy, healing their lineage, and empowering the feminine to "rise from its hiding place."
Be sure to join our facebook group where you can engage in the convo during showtime and get all kinds of Shameless Feminine tools and tribe love in the days between:
"Painting Our White Flag Red"
In this episode of Shameless Feminine Speaks, titled “Painting Our White Flag Red (with nuthin but love)”, the ladies continue their convo from last week’s show “Sorry Not Sorry” and bring on the medicine. The medicine is that feminine superpower of surrender, but instead of using it against ourselves, Rebecca shows us how to use it for ourselves.
Rebecca walks us through the acronym of our S-O-R-R-Y she introduced last week with a new set of words that use the medicine of surrender to help us transform the shame of our “Sorry Not Sorry” into a shameless place.
Shame becomes Shameless by identifying and embracing the shame with love.
Obligation becomes Ownership when we re-write the “laws” dictating that shame.
Responsibility becomes Reverence by offering mutual respect, beginning with ourself.
Repentance becomes Revocation when we break the secret contracts made by our “Sorry Not Sorry”.
Yield becomes “Yes to you!” by loving and honoring thyself first and foremost.
The ladies dive into each of these and so much more on surrender and the shame that causes us to use it against ourselves, our sisters and our relationships. So tune-in for all the juicy medicine!
And be sure to join our facebook group where you can engage in the convo during showtime and get all kinds of Shameless Feminine tools and tribe love in the days between:
"Sorry Not Sorry"
In this second broadcast of Shameless Feminine Speaks, “Sorry Not Sorry”, Rebecca invites you to explore the why’s of your disempowered “Sorry”: When your apology goes against yourself, your power, your truth… When it is for them, to make them feel better or right, or to win their love... When you are “sorry, not sorry” but you say it anyway.
Rebecca presents an acronym to bring awareness to your “sorry”:
Shame: What is the underlying shame; is it theirs or yours?
Obligation: What does that shame obligate you to be?
Responsibility: Where does your responsibility begin and end?
Repentance: What are you agreeing to never do again?
Yield: To whom are you yielding; what is the gain or loss?
Sharing personal stories, the ladies explore the “too too’s” that the wounded world asks us to “dim down”—too beautiful, too sexy, too powerful, too feminine, too masculine. And for every “too too”, there is a “not enough”. It is this “not enough” that is the shame behind our “sorry not sorry”. It festers in the broken heart of humanity, causing the judge to point her finger and the accused to accept her scarlet letter.
But the ladies declare that enough is enough, and encourage you to stop apologizing for yourself and your feminine superpowers. It is time for a surrender of a different kind in which we voice our truth in an honest dialogue that offers a bridge of understanding so that our power can be seen for what it is rather than through the lens of that ancient feminine shame which continues to cast Eve out of the garden.
Harnessing surrender as a superpower is where the conversation shall continue next week. So stay tuned as Rebecca will be walking that acronym of “s-o-r-r-y” into the medicine that empowers rather than cowers.
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This premiere show dives into the vision behind the Shameless Feminine...
What is the shame we are lessening?
How do both women and men carry feminine shame?
What does it mean to be shamelessly shameless?
Why is this not just another revolution, but a re-evolution?
Rebecca reads from her collaborative book, Shamanism in the New Millennium, illuminating the ancient feminine shame which we all have inherited epigenetically and now hold within our cellular memory. The discussion takes off from there, diving into how men and women continue to shame the feminine today and marginalize her superpowers.
Referencing David Deida's teachings, Rebecca notes that though we attribute certain characteristics to be "feminine" or "masculine", they are merely energies of yin and yang that any gender can possess. Sheena testifies to this with her personal experience as an intersex individual: gender differences are nominal biologically but vastly seeded into our enculturation.
Rebecca encourages us to dissolve these differences in a “shamelessly shameless” way: without shame and without blame. “The feminine is on the rise, and yet how will we rise this time? Let us not merely displace the shame onto men and the power onto women, or flex our muscles against our feminine gifts.” The ladies denounce radical feminism and call for the pendulum to finally come to rest by means of a re-evolution: healing our lineage of feminine shame and elevating the gender experience.